April Jacubec, Website: https://www.apriljakubec.com/ - Instagram: @aprilj222 After multiple attempts to take my own life, my dedicated art practice is a large part of the reason that I’m still alive today. I consider myself to be a mental health artist-advocate— an artist with a message. I create bright and positive, mixed-media portraits of a diverse group of people living with mental health struggles as a counter narrative to the traditionally dark and gloomy images we often see depicting mental illness. The eyes are covered, capturing the hidden/unseen nature of mental health issues. The sparkling blooms symbolize the strength, resilience, and all that can stem from living and coping with these struggles. Through these more holistic images of mental health, I aim to celebrate vulnerability, reduce stigma, and promote mental health positivity. In high school, I tried to enroll in an art class nearly every semester, but because the limited school budget didn’t allow for more than one acrylic painting exercise, I became proficient at drawing—mostly in black and white. It took another 10 years before I decided to get back into the arts when, because of my mental health symptoms, I was unable to sleep well at night. On a visit to see my family in Arkansas, my mom had given me some early and extra birthday money to buy some art supplies to keep me busy on the long, sleepless nights. Over the next several years, I had painted just a handful of what I now fondly refer to as pieces of “awkward art.” While my skillset did not yet match my taste level, I was so touched every time a local non-profit organization had agreed to hang one of my bright and colorful pieces as a part of their permanent collection. I would occasionally paint as a creative outlet to balance out the intensity of my PhD studies at UMass Boston’s School for Global Inclusion and Social Development. However, my art practice only became serious after an inspiring trip to New Orleans, Louisiana, where I found myself surrounded by all sorts of local art. I thought, “You know, maybe I could do this, too!” And so upon my return to Boston in January 2019, I picked up the brush and painted my first ever portrait. Seven months later, there were stacks and stacks of portraits all with flowers covering their eyes in my bedroom/art studio. It was surreal, and honestly a bit spooky seeing all of these almost-too-happy, smiling faces consuming my space. I never even thought to question what my work was about until that point. I would occasionally paint as a creative outlet to balance out the intensity of my PhD studies at UMass Boston’s School for Global Inclusion and Social Development. However, my art practice only became serious after an inspiring trip to New Orleans, Louisiana, where I found myself surrounded by all sorts of local art. I thought, “You know, maybe I could do this, too!” And so upon my return to Boston in January 2019, I picked up the brush and painted my first ever portrait. Seven months later, there were stacks and stacks of portraits all with flowers covering their eyes in my bedroom/art studio. It was surreal, and honestly a bit spooky seeing all of these almost-too-happy, smiling faces consuming my space. I never even thought to question what my work was about until that point. It only took about 10 minutes to figure it out: I myself, as someone with severe post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), was feeling unseen. Similar to my paintings, I always wore a big smile, and so nobody ever thought to check in to see if I was okay. Nobody knew the full truth. I wasn’t even vulnerable enough to admit to myself that, no, I really was not okay. I began to show these early works in local art exhibitions, including my first solo exhibit in August 2019 at the Malden Public Library and at Cambridge Open Studios in September 2019. I was so touched by the vulnerability of all the people who openly identified with the works and disclosed their own pain, traumas, and mental health struggles. I then started painting these “mental health portraits” more intentionally, and I have since started to capture the stories and experiences of real people living with mental health struggles in what had become my signature style—eyes covered by flowers. What started as a way to cope with my own mental illness has turned into a meaningful way to connect with others experiencing mental health struggles. Looking back, I can see major changes in my art— sure, there are technical improvements. But more importantly— there have been marked shifts in the overall mood. The extreme smiles began to melt into more realistic expressions, mostly smirks, but some portraits have even shown displeasure and pain. It was in March 2020, just before the lockdown that I painted a quick self-portrait study, but this time—for the very first time—with my eyes showing. I smiled as I realized that art has given me the tools to really talk about how I’m doing, to take up space, and to ask for supports. My art had begun to save me. For the first time in years—I had felt seen, and I no longer needed the eyes in every portrait to be covered. Now closing in on my second year as a portrait painter/artist-advocate, I have been overwhelmed with the support and encouragement to keep my art practice going. Just this year, I have served as the artist in residence for the New Bedford, MA Whaling Historic National Park; had my work featured in the US Human Rights Networks’ 2020 annual report; created public safety art for Punto Urban Arts Museum PUAM) at Salem, MA in response to COVID-19; and now I am so excited to be a part of the Downtown Boston BID’s Tasteful Boston public utility box project! And upcoming still this year—I will be painting 2 more utility boxes in Melrose, MA and completing my largest project to date—an 8’x8’mural in Salem, MA!
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